It doesn’t take much.. a song, a memory, a simple “hi” from a random person on the street…. and I m off.
Life makes sense again. Infinity… here, now, inside, outside, everywhere. Here with me. Here, being me.
The uplifting chaos, the maddening happiness. All mine, and I am its.
I wanna run. I wanna give up whatever I am doing and go dance, naked, in the street. I wanna donate all my material possessions and camp in front of an important government building somewhere. I want to get my canvas and my drawing notebook out, and go back creating art. I want to be a musician… a wandering monk, a priest, a servant or anything else that will free me from all that is cultural and social, all that has been imposed upon whatever is behind this curtain of humanity.
God, so good.. so, perfect… so dangerous.
Soon, the happiness of being will give way for the longing to be a tree again, or just some water in a river, or whatever… when I was a few molecules of anything, floating around anywhere, until a star exploded somewhere and turned me into something else. Not long after that, I will probably be staring at the grass in the garden, trying real hard not to let the suicidal thoughts take over.
I know where this is going, and I know I should not be playing with “it” on “school days”: Up, up, up…. down, down, down, down, down, down…
It is no wonder that those whom, even if just for a few brief moments cannot see heaven, want to get rid of my hell.
I wish you all could see life from up here.
It is perfect.